Jennifer
Freed
 
Lessons
 
 
If you were that woman, sitting 
every Friday in the public library, one week working 
through the who
and how and why
of simple questions whispering from your tutor’s lips,
the next week learning price
and pay and sale and save
and How much does it
cost?—
if you were that woman, 
then you, too,
would ask for repetition of bag and back and bank, 
of leave and leaf and left and live,
and you would struggle to produce the English sounds 
that held the meanings you still held 
inside your head: the dappled murmuring of leaves 
outside your childhood home, the trees
full of sweet yellow fruit you could not name in this new
life, 
the lives you left so you could live,
and as you moved your lips in all the unfamiliar ways 
to make the sounds your tutor made, she would nod 
and you would smile, but you would never 
write, for you’d not yet know how
to form or read those fast, firm letters you watched pouring
from her hand, 
and so you’d have no way to store what you had learned 
except in memory and hope,
alongside memories of why you’d never needed written words 
in your native world, where your mother had taught you all
the skills 
of planting and harvesting and weaving and singing that you
would ever need 
for living in a lush, good place,
and alongside memories 
of gunfire echoing beyond the trees, 
of rebels begging for or stealing food,
of soldiers from some distant city standing in your 
village, barking about loyalty 
and able-bodied men,
and then the memories 
of jungle paths for five long nights, 
of sharing food and whispered hope with others who had dared
to flee,
and the memories of the daughter and the son, both 
born and grown high as your eye in the refugee camp on the
border. 
The English words would nestle in amidst 
all this, 
get lost, be found again, and you would have to try 
to pull them out but leave the rest behind, try 
to let the new sounds tell you  
not only the hard-edged names and places 
of this brick and concrete life,  
but also how to live in it: 
how to take 
a city bus, how to 
pay for 
light,  
and you would sit again, again, again 
in a mauve chair at a round table in the library,  
amidst the shelves and worlds 
of words, 
struggling with your who
and how and why,
and you would not allow yourself 
to figure how much it had cost
or how much you still had to pay.
You would just smile and thank your tutor,
and come back 
next Friday.